The Love For a Mother: What Having an Offspring Teaches You About Being One

I had this really strong fear when I was sitting in that lightly lit room on that thin blue cushion. I was fearing the part of being a mom where you are a role model to a tiny being for life. I remember the consistent beeping in the background and I could swear I was no longer in reality. The world around me seemed so intense, yet beautiful. Time passes by and I am literally holding the most beautiful and amazing child in my arms, I couldn't believe she was here. I had never felt a love so strong, fast and real in my entire life. It was in that very moment the feeling I originally felt was now behind closed doors, instead, I was in-love. I did not have answers to what it meant to be a mom, all I knew was that there would be no manual and every baby would be different. At-least this is what pretty much every other parent said to me. I don't think any parent is prepared even if they believe so.

These feelings remind me so intensely how incredibly loving a mother can be, how wonderful mine was and is. Growing up you never really realize what our parents are too us, how they make sacrafices for us, or even what the love means. All you know is family and love. All you see is constant efforts made by the people you call mom and dad. The love is unconditional and I never could imagined how much closer this would have brought me to my own mother.

When you start living a world where your child is in the front view, when everything you ever did in your life, prepared you for this moment. It changes you. I started to see my mother in a completely different light. I remember so fondly calling her after a few months of my daughter being with us and thanking her wholeheartedly for the support she gave me throughout my lifetime. I thanked her for choosing us every day and I told her I knew it wasn't easy. I wanted to validate that no matter how difficult it may have been as a widowed mother, she was more special then she knew. I remember feeling so proud of her, knowing the trials and triumphs in her life and, to still have been the best role model to my sister and I.

I will use the word gratitude, and highlight the deep appreciation I have for the countless sacrifices, love, and support. For the uncodntional love that was unwavering and fostered such a strong sense of security. I could not have evended up where I am without the experiences and teachings that my mother has provided me. All of the valuable lessons that have shaped my character of the years.

When I sit back into that room, raining pouring outside into the darkness and all the fear and uncertainty, I suddenly feel a storng sense of peace. of knowing. of loving. of all the things that will come natural to becoming a mother. I will smile with joy, as mother, and, as my mothers child.